It is true. I really am. I have a tendency to keep things to myself. It is extremely difficult for me to let people see what is really going on in my life. I think I want to put on a good front so people will: A) think my life is going great and I really am happy with things the way they are and/or B) not know about my shortcomings.
Example: My mom and I are actually very good friends. I would put her at the top of my list of best friends. I had a really disappointing morning this past Saturday. I stopped crying long enough to call my mom to tell her about my morning. She would have totally understood if I had started crying and blubbering about the awful morning, but I didn't do that. I put on a "cheery" voice, told her about the day and pointed out all the positive things about it. All I really wanted to do was cry and tell her how upset and disappointed I was. But I couldn't.
I know I don't need to let people in on absolutely every aspect of my life, but I really wish I wasn't such a clam at times.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Guilty Pleasures
I have to confess...I have a guilty pleasure...watching America's Next Top Model. I don't know why I like that show so much. It is typically ridiculous with lots of cat fighting and back stabbing amongst the potential "super models". But tonight the show outdid itself. Typically there are two elements to an episode. There is a challenge where the girls compete against each other for prizes and then a photo shoot. Tonight the girls were taken to Harlem for a "Pose Off Battle". Yes, you read that right...a Pose Off Battle. They were split into two groups and then had to battle against each other for points. The points went to the girl the judges deemed the best poser. One of the silliest things I have ever viewed in my life. Will I stop watching? NO! Apparently I enjoy empty, ridiculous, silly shows. :-)
Silence is Golden
I decided to remove this post. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but it felt like I was saying too much. BTW, if you read it before I took it down I would just like you to know that I am feeling a bit better now.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Surprise - I'm not really broken
Okay, so I'm not as broken as I thought I was. Broke maybe, but not broken. :-) I am getting back into the swing of things and slowly readjusting. I've been very sleep deprived this week (I think I'm still on Alaska time), but I think everything else for the most part is okay now. So, no need to start sending Valium or praying that I won't OD on Tylenol PM. I am okay. :-)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Back to Life as Usual
I'm back from my great adventure in Alaska and the vacation high has already started to wear off. I wish I could tell you how I'm feeling right now, but I cannot even sort through it all myself. Much less tell you about it. Let's just say that I know that it involves more than just coming home from vacation. I'm really confused about some things and I feel like I'm a little bit broken. Broken Amy.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Alaska - Days 5 & 6
What happened to days 5 and 6 you ask? Just read day 4 again and you will be caught up. Since Davita has to work this week I have not been doing a lot during the day other than catching up on TV and reading. It has been extremely relaxing and enjoyable though. Davita is only working a few hours today so we will be heading south soon to stay at a bed and breakfast in Moose Pass and visit Seward.
I would just like to say that God really has a sense of humor. I came to Alaska expecting lots of winter weather. As previously reported, there is still a lot of the white stuff on the ground; however, it has failed to snow ANY since I've been here. Oh wait, it has snowed...just in Dallas! I think the lack of snow here though is probably a blessing. We have not had any travel problems since the roads are mostly clear. If it did snow that would make seeing the state a lot more difficult. Also, I haven't frozen as I feared I would. I can even go out in the mid 30 degree temps without my coat now. It's crazy how quickly one can adjust to the colder temperatures. Even though I hoped to see a massive snow storm this has worked out quite nicely.
I would just like to say that God really has a sense of humor. I came to Alaska expecting lots of winter weather. As previously reported, there is still a lot of the white stuff on the ground; however, it has failed to snow ANY since I've been here. Oh wait, it has snowed...just in Dallas! I think the lack of snow here though is probably a blessing. We have not had any travel problems since the roads are mostly clear. If it did snow that would make seeing the state a lot more difficult. Also, I haven't frozen as I feared I would. I can even go out in the mid 30 degree temps without my coat now. It's crazy how quickly one can adjust to the colder temperatures. Even though I hoped to see a massive snow storm this has worked out quite nicely.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Alaska - Day Four
Day Four = Relaxation!
Poor Davita had to work today. That left me with no choice but to further develop my inner couch potato. I accomplished this by sleeping until 8am, then watching TV, surfing the web and reading on the couch (all in my PJs) until 4pm. I did decide to shower and get dressed prior to Davita making it home from work. I didn't want her to be jealous of the fact that I was able to sit around in my PJs all day. ;-) We went out for dinner to a Mexican restaurant called Chepo's. It was good. Which according to Davita is a bit of a miracle since most Mexican food here is really, really bad.
I told Davita tonight that I wanted to write a post explaining why I would move to Talkeetna, population 700, but thought that I would not be able to properly express why I have that desire. She put that desire into words. Talkeetna = stillness/quietness/peacefulness. Does everyone know the song "Be Still and Know that I Am God"? One can achieve this "stillness" in Talkeetna. There is something very appealing about that.
Poor Davita had to work today. That left me with no choice but to further develop my inner couch potato. I accomplished this by sleeping until 8am, then watching TV, surfing the web and reading on the couch (all in my PJs) until 4pm. I did decide to shower and get dressed prior to Davita making it home from work. I didn't want her to be jealous of the fact that I was able to sit around in my PJs all day. ;-) We went out for dinner to a Mexican restaurant called Chepo's. It was good. Which according to Davita is a bit of a miracle since most Mexican food here is really, really bad.
I told Davita tonight that I wanted to write a post explaining why I would move to Talkeetna, population 700, but thought that I would not be able to properly express why I have that desire. She put that desire into words. Talkeetna = stillness/quietness/peacefulness. Does everyone know the song "Be Still and Know that I Am God"? One can achieve this "stillness" in Talkeetna. There is something very appealing about that.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Alaska - Day Three = Pain
My body hurts. Walking on ice and snow must use muscles that I was not aware I had. Even my ab muscles are a bit sore. Now that I have gotten that whining out of the way let me tell you about my day.
Davita had to go to work today so I spent the morning lounging around the house watching TV and uploading pictures. This afternoon we hiked up to Thunderbird Falls. It is a pretty little waterfall that is mostly frozen this time of the year. It was a bit of a challenging hike up to the falls. And it didn't help that things are melting a bit and there is a lot of ice showing now. We had to wear shoe spikes just to be able to hike there. The hike was scary at points because we were walking on mostly ice with a sheer cliff drop off on one side of us. One wrong step and we would have gotten a very close look at the creek that Thunderbird Falls filters in to. :-)
We then drove to Anchorage to visit Wild Berry Farms. They make chocolate and candy and have lots of souvenirs. They also have the largest chocolate fountain (20 feet tall). To our dismay it wasn't on. How disappointing is that?!! The trip was not wasted because they had lots of cool things to purchase as souvenirs.
After dinner at Chili's we are now back at Davita's house. Another fun day...except I'm really sore now! :-)
Davita had to go to work today so I spent the morning lounging around the house watching TV and uploading pictures. This afternoon we hiked up to Thunderbird Falls. It is a pretty little waterfall that is mostly frozen this time of the year. It was a bit of a challenging hike up to the falls. And it didn't help that things are melting a bit and there is a lot of ice showing now. We had to wear shoe spikes just to be able to hike there. The hike was scary at points because we were walking on mostly ice with a sheer cliff drop off on one side of us. One wrong step and we would have gotten a very close look at the creek that Thunderbird Falls filters in to. :-)
We then drove to Anchorage to visit Wild Berry Farms. They make chocolate and candy and have lots of souvenirs. They also have the largest chocolate fountain (20 feet tall). To our dismay it wasn't on. How disappointing is that?!! The trip was not wasted because they had lots of cool things to purchase as souvenirs.
After dinner at Chili's we are now back at Davita's house. Another fun day...except I'm really sore now! :-)
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Alaska - Day Two
Today was the restart of the Iditarod in Willow, AK. HUGE deal. There were thousands of people there. And it was only after we left that we realized we were all standing on a frozen lake. I'm glad it was frozen solid! It was really exciting to watch the mushers take off. At first I wondered what the motivation is for wanting to run the Iditarod. But, by the end of the day I found myself wishing I was going. I think it has something to do with adventure and achievement of something great and unusual.
After watching several of the mushers take off (they are released in 2 minute intervals so it took several hours for all of them to leave the starting line) we headed out to Talkeetna. It is a very small town that the old TV show Northern Exposure was based on. I fell in love. Absolutely in love with this town. If I move it will be to Talkeetna. There is not much there, but it is so peaceful and quaint and the locals were so friendly.
We then headed back to Anchorage (about a 2.5 hour drive from Talkeetna). We saw a moose! I was able to get some pictures, but she was still kind of far away from me and I wasn't able to convince her that she wanted to come closer.
All in all, another great day in Alaska. I completely understand why people live here now.
After watching several of the mushers take off (they are released in 2 minute intervals so it took several hours for all of them to leave the starting line) we headed out to Talkeetna. It is a very small town that the old TV show Northern Exposure was based on. I fell in love. Absolutely in love with this town. If I move it will be to Talkeetna. There is not much there, but it is so peaceful and quaint and the locals were so friendly.
We then headed back to Anchorage (about a 2.5 hour drive from Talkeetna). We saw a moose! I was able to get some pictures, but she was still kind of far away from me and I wasn't able to convince her that she wanted to come closer.
All in all, another great day in Alaska. I completely understand why people live here now.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Alaska - Day One
I survived. And had fun. Two great things. This morning we went to watch the ceremonial start of the Iditarod. I just found out that with the wind chill it was right around zero degrees. It was cold, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. How does one combat the cold? It appears that most people wear some type of dead animal on their heads. Seriously. I've never seen more fur in my life. PETA would have had a field day. And I'm sure they would not have approved of the dog sledding either. Other things we saw...a mall, ice sculptures, snow sculptures and the Uluu factory (google Uluu if you don't know what that is). After lunch at a burger joint that also served Chinese, Mexican and seafood we drove to Eklutna Lake, which is frozen right now. We hiked up to the lake and ventured out on it. So, technically today I walked on water. :-) We also fell down...a couple of times. There is a lot of ice under the snow and if you slip you are going all the way down. Now I'm really exhausted. We are about to have dinner and will probably hit the sack early tonight. I'll try to upload some pictures of today's activities a bit later.
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