It is true. I really am. I have a tendency to keep things to myself. It is extremely difficult for me to let people see what is really going on in my life. I think I want to put on a good front so people will: A) think my life is going great and I really am happy with things the way they are and/or B) not know about my shortcomings.
Example: My mom and I are actually very good friends. I would put her at the top of my list of best friends. I had a really disappointing morning this past Saturday. I stopped crying long enough to call my mom to tell her about my morning. She would have totally understood if I had started crying and blubbering about the awful morning, but I didn't do that. I put on a "cheery" voice, told her about the day and pointed out all the positive things about it. All I really wanted to do was cry and tell her how upset and disappointed I was. But I couldn't.
I know I don't need to let people in on absolutely every aspect of my life, but I really wish I wasn't such a clam at times.
3 comments:
I was going to try and make some really intelligent analogy about clams and pearls...but then I couldn't remember FOR SURE if pearls actually developed in clams...and I didn't want to look dumb. Deep thoughts by Davita.
Seriously...I am here if you need to talk. Miss you...
[giggle] I think pearls develop in oysters, but frankly, I don't know the difference and would be impressed by a pearl analogy.
On a more serious note, your post made me think about vulnerability, in and out of the community group context. I've noticed a couple of things:
1)The people who get the full story from me are the people I pray with. Somehow I associate the willingness to immediately lapse into prayer with "safety," even if it involves tears.
2)I'm more willing to be vulnerable with people who are vulnerable with me. Maybe they're less likely to judge.
I see the community groups developing in these areas, but we're not there yet. What do you think it would take to develop greater freedom to share in the church community?
(Hope you don't mind me commenting... I don't stop by very often.)
~Rebekah (from church)
Hi Rebekah. Feel free to comment any time! I think we have to have a couple of things to be able to open up more with our community groups. I think the first step is just building trust in the people of the group by establishing relationships. I think this is difficult to accomplish because most of us are so busy with the rest of our lives, but I do see it happening in some groups. I think that the other side of it is that internally each person has to be willing to be vulnerable...to let someone in to see the side that might not be so pretty. That seems really hard for people to do at times. At least I know it is for me. I am going to begin praying for a greater level of vulnerability with those I trust and also a breaking of my pride (which also plays into not wanting people to see the things that aren't that great about me).
Post a Comment